Love the most important person in your life

Today is Valentine’s Day, and depending on how you feel about it, it is a great way to tell your partner how much you care or a great way to decry commercialism or it can make you feel sad and lonely about being single.

I want to put forward another idea- I would like this to be a day where you can celebrate and show love to the most important person in your life.



So many people are in a toxic hurtful relationship with themselves, especially with their bodies. They “HATE” this or that about themselves, they wish they looked like someone else and they have nasty toxic thoughts about themselves. (Yes toxic as negative thinking can play a role in physical health and definately has a role in mental health).

It seems that loving ourselves is the hardest of all things to love. However most people will readily love someone else despite the fact they may have a pot belly, back hair, uneven breasts or cellulite etc…

How do you do that? Well for me it was a process of telling myself I was gorgeous and showing love towards my body.  It wasn’t easy- it took years to be honest. But some of the things I did is to dress up and take myself out on dates, get pedicures, massages, buy myself a nice outfit, rub lotion onto my body and treat showering and bathing as a treat instead of a chore. After a while I did start loving my thighs, despite the fact they are huge because they are strong, powerful and shapely. I loved my huge bum because it feels so awesome. I started loving my legs which I always called trees because of their curves. I’m even slowly starting to love my belly despite the fact I want it to be smaller. Yes you can still love your body even if you want to make healthy changes to it.

My recommendations-Touch your body! Yes do it. Rub lotion in slowly and feel how amazing your body feels! Get pampering massages from professsionals (I would highly recommend a ha kuna massage). Stand in front of a mirror naked and tell yourself all the things you LOVE about your body. Let the negative thought that come to you wash away in the shower and hold onto those love thoughts. If you want to improve things in some small way develop a fitness routine doing things you love- for me it is cycling and recently swimming).

Less than 1% of the world has what society considers a “perfect” body. You don’t hold your partners up to those ideals so why subject yourself to them.

As that corny Whitney Houston song (Written by Michael Masser / Linda Creed) says:

“The greatest love of all

Is easy to achieve

Learning to love yourself

It is the greatest love of all”

Much love to you all on this Valentines Day

XOX Cherry



(Note:this blog has been sitting in my drafts folder for a few months now. Oddly I was feeling too vulnerable to publish it…)

I have been thinking a lot about vulnerability lately. Both as a part of myself and as an aspect of my performances.

Last year I went to Canberra to be a Judge at Kitten of the Year along side Holly J’aDoll and Lauren LaRouge. It was really a wonderful experience with lots of great performances, and special for me as many years ago Kitten of the Year was the very first show I performed in. Before the show we got to interview each contestant, which was a great way of seeing some of their personality shine through. 

I was moved by a lot of responses to our questions. How the Miss Kitka’s course has changed their lives and made them more confident. I can personally vouch that the course is truly empowering. 

Each contestant has to study a performer from the past, and devise a tribute performance. If the performer is alive they are supposed to also contact the performer and get permission. Some of the contestants from this year and previous years have formed friendships with these performers- something that is wonderful to hear about and keeps the links to our history alive. 

One contestant- Sugar Starr – did a tribute to: “the Bearded Lady” She explained to us that the central aspect of her performance was about vulnerability.


Vulnerability, can be seen as something quite scary. The dictionary defines it as: capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, as by a weapon.

Wow, capable of being hurt… I am a person who shows my vulnerability. It has always been the case. I think it is part of what makes me a good performer. If I feel something you see it on my face, it is there for the world to see and judge. I cry easily. I get hurt easily.Image

I’ve struggled with this all my life, for to show emotion and vulnerability, leaves one open to the cruel, those looking to bolster their own ego or those looking to take advantage of it. So over the years I have learnt to protect some of my vulnerability with some armour. Just enough to fight off those who will take advantage, but still leave me open to the great things that can come from showing my vulnerability. It’s really important to me, to not let those people change who I essentially am. I’d rather be hurt occasionally, when the alternative is to shut myself off from my emotions.

Brené Brown puts it into words far more eloquent:

You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle. But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.”

I’ll leave you with this great TED talk. Listen to it- it is worth it: