How to get a Bikini Body

I was recently in the Northern Territory at Litchfield and Kakadu National Park  and one of the things i loved was swimming in fresh water rivers and under waterfalls.

Sitting on the riverbank I noticed something. All the thin young women were in bikinis. They looked so free and happy in them.
However all the bigger women and older ladies were in navy (navy blue is the new balck?) swimsuits and even shorts and t-shirts. I suddenly got pissed off. I was in a navy swimsuit, that didn’t really fit and I wanted to wear a bikini!
So I was determined to get a bikini but my efforts to buy one in Sydney were thwarted because of a lack of time and so I went shopping in London at Bravissimo. I must have tried on every one in the store and in desperation the girl even broke out the new stock but I found 2 I liked!
Yesterday in Croatia I finally got to wear it.
What a JOY!
I also noticed many women around me; young, old, thin, fat, tan, etc etc all wearing them and in bright colours.
Amazing. For the first time I was wearing a swimming costume (or cossie as we call them in Australia) that fit and supported me!
So here are some pics and a video.
Pics! (Yes it is blue- but it is cute and I also have a pink one) 🙂
Krka Waterfalls Croatia
And as those memes all say-
How do you get a bikini body. You simply buy a bikini and put it on your body!

Why I hate before and after pics.

Over the last 9 months I have been losing weight. Actively not accidentally. Not by starving myself or dieting. But by simply looking after myself more. It’s not been easy for many reasons. I’ve done it for personal reasons related to hereditary health conditions. It’s really no-ones business why and unless you are a close friend it’s really not up for discussion.

It’s been slow but the improvements to my health are already showing. People have started to notice the changes to my body too.

However you won’t see me posting before and after pictures here or posting pics on Facebook showing how much I have lost.

There are many reasons for this. Personally I think before and after pictures are a world-class rort. The before usually unflattering and poorly lit/clothed. After with nice clothes makeup etc…

Another is that a lot of people are perfectly healthy at a bigger size. Body size and health are not in my belief always related. I am a big supporter of the Health at Any Size Community.

And finally these before and after pictures are trying to say that look at the hideous creature before and look how amazing she looks now… But you know what, I think my body looks pretty fucking awesome no matter what size I am! It is strong, capable, curvaceous, has the ability to cycle 40km,  move furniture and give my 8-year-old Niece piggy backs! 🙂 So I won’t post any pictures comparing myself negatively to myselfImage

Pic by  This happens to be me near my biggest and it also happens to be one of my favourite ever images.

For the people who comment how much they love my body- well don’t worry I am never going to be skinny. 😛 I have a large frame, very wide hip bones and a high muscle mass. After many years I’ve come to accept it, and I like it that way!

Boom Boom Broads

I am SO excited!
A show I have been waiting to perform in for a long time is on.


Oh my the most luscious of ladies on stage together!

The best thing about this show is I get to flirt with Johnny Castrati onstage! Some of you may know that I have a big crush on Johnny ;).

“This double feature evening invites audiences to celebrate diversity in sexual expression
It reveals the beauty of flesh in it’s less often celebrated forms. By bringing together the best of the burlesque and the queer community. Two back to back shows, one for those who love curvaceous ladies and the other for those who enjoy a little mesmerizing manflesh. An all-inclusive brother-sister-other double-event, buy a ticket to one show or join us for both in row or over the two dates.”

What is so special about Boom Boom Broads is it is not your regular burlesque show where one act follows the other. This is more like a cabaret or revue. Performers will be interacting with each other as well as with the audience. If you would like to join us onstage you may just be invited to do so!

On each night either before or after you can also see the Burlesque Bad Boys! Oh my I am looking forward to seeing some of my favourite Bad Boys onstage. I haven’t yet had the opportunity to see Furlesque  and oh I do love hairy men!

It is $20 for one show or $30 for both, so I know you will want to come to both shows.

Mardi Gras is going to be so much fun!


Once again I haven’t been blogging enough. I was taking a little break 🙂

Aug, Sept and Oct passed in a blur and I was physically and emotionally exhausted. A full-time day job, the myriad jobs that a performer does everyday and trying to see my family and friends took its toll. I decided to take a little break!

I booked into Blush Bali Bliss– a pole dancing and yoga retreat in Bali. I had done Yoga twice and never tried Pole dancing…

It wasn’t planning on doing the pole dancing actually… I needed to relax!

I got to relax. I ate great food. I woke each morning to a view of the sea and fresh sea air. I started the day with Yoga and fresh fruit juice. It was heavenly.

I even decided to give the pole dancing a go. It was one of those things that was on my “never do” list. But I don’t like to say never and I decided to just give it a go.
It is hard work! Great fun but hard. I cursed my arms for not being strong enough. I cursed my inability.
The point is though- I kept trying. Each day I went to the lesson. Each day I listened and tried. By day 3 I was able to briefly hold on for a millisecond. By day 5 I could hold on for a few seconds. No, I was not elegant but I felt like I had achieved something and was so proud of myself.

My point is, you  never know if you can do something until you try…

So many of the things I have done in the last 3 years used to be on that never/can’t list.

Last year during the last Miss Burlesque heats and final I had so many people come up to me and ask me why I hadn’t entered. I replied- “Oh I wouldn’t ever…”, Or would I???

Hmm, yes that never word. It goes in the same basket as can’t. Dirty dirty words!

So as some of you may have seen, yes I have entered!
If you like this go to my entry on the Miss Burlesque page and make a comment:

So other than defeating that “never” word why else am I entering?

Well it is to push myself to my limits. To try things I haven’t done before. To work on new routines and hopefully have fun.

I am already in the midst of preparations. I hope you can join me on the night!



It had to happen. I needed to write a blog about them.

Breasts, especially mine seem to dominate the conversation when I am around. The reasons well they are obvious.

I got to thinking about them a lot last week. I was asked to go on Can of Worms. The topic-“If a woman gets a boob-job, is it an invitation to look at them.”

It was a rather humorous day! I took along the rather fabulous Rita Fontaine and we dressed to impress. When we arrived we were seated up the back, but soon someone came up to us and told us we were being moved right to the very front. We obviously looked too fabulous!

So there we were up the front myself wearing a red top that frames my (natural) abundant chest and a Black and Cherry wiggle skirt and Rita in a daringly low-cut and high thigh slit dress. Dicko and Jamie could not stop looking and giving us little grins.

What did I say? Well I said a lot. I have spent more than half my life thinking about the subject. They cut most of what I said – but you can watch the result here:

And the advert that was played several times Monday night:

So to tell you more I have to start with my turbulent history with my Breasts.

It all started when I was 11 and in yr 6 at school. Overnight it seems they grew, going from nothing to a C cup overnight. When I went to go shopping with my Mum for my first bra (which I had avoided as I didn’t want to admit that I needed one) I tried on one owned by my older (by 3 years) sister and to her disgust I spilled out of it. My sister has a lot to do with how I felt about my breasts in those early days. As a small chested teenager, looking back I can see she was jealous and would comment on mine frequently. She was just a teenager herself and knew no better really.

So by the age of 13 in year 8 at an all girls high school I was an E cup. I didn’t dress up much, wore no makeup (indeed wasn’t even shaving my legs yet) but I still managed to get a lot of attention. Sometimes from other girls but often the attention got disturbing especially from men who were old enough to be my father and even grandfathers. With my 13-year-old mind, I was ill-equipped to deal with the attention. So I hid under baggy high-necked t-shirts and boyish clothes, ashamed almost and wanting to repel some of the attention. I was scared of older men and avoided looking them in the eye. On the rare occasion I showed a bit of cleavage I felt self-conscious and uncomfortable.

Time went on and I slowly learnt that dressing like this only made me look fatter, and did nothing to repel attention from the sleazes. It wasn’t until I got into burlesque though that I started to accept them, then appreciate and celebrate them.

Yes they are sexy and men (and a lot of women) go gaga over them.

But they are also comforting. I have many a time held a friend to my bosom while they cried. My Niece in particular is a fan, she once said whilst cuddling up to me ” You’re so comfy Aunty”.

So you may ask why I put them on display so much.

Well why not! They are fabulous! It looks better when I wear low-cut tops. I have to admit I do like most of the attention they get.

Also in a funny way I feel like I have re-empowered myself by displaying them. It is a bit of a f*ck you to those old creeps who hit on me and the girls who teased 13 yr old me.

So many people don’t really know what breasts look like. Except in porn or movies (or if you are a burlesque performer where backstage can be a boobfest) most people see few boobs and may negatively compare themselves to what they see in these idealized formats. Here are some web sites that I really like who look a breasts in different ways.

The first is a photographic site that tells stories about breasts in a photographic medium. Show Us Ya Tits

The second is a frank almost medical site. This site was a great help to me. It has all types on it including those that are somewhat “unusual”. Normal Breasts Gallery

finally for those who want to support a worthy event I will be making a short appearance at this F*ck Cancer- A Fundraiser.
X Cherry Lush

How I got started in Burlesque Part 2- or DIRTY MARTINI!!!

Continuing on from here:

Miss Kitka’s course is broken up into 3 courses of about 6 weeks. Beginners, Intermediate and a Production course. The production course ends with putting on a show for family, friends and the public (and raises money for Charity).  At the end of Intermediate I had no intention of doing the production course. I didn’t think anyone would want to see me on stage and was so shy about showing off my body especially my breasts!! By the end of intermediate I had been to my first few Burlesque events and was a Burly groupie.

Still I couldn’t see myself onstage.

I was at The Ruby Revue one night when a friend put my name down for the little “singing competition” they have at the end of the night. I was on last and despite not being on stage or having a spotlight on me for a decade it was like I had never left. The song I was given was “What a Feeling” and my-oh-my it was! When the lights hit me it was like something long buried came out. The crowd loved it and cheered for me. I won and I couldn’t get the feeling I felt when I was onstage out of my mind. I smiled for days, I was filled with Joy!

Then someone told me to look up a number of performers including Dirty Martini on You Tube. From the first clip I was astounded. Here was a woman who was smart, beautiful, joyful, and so entertaining. She had womanly full hips and curves. I could just see in her celebrating her body in her performance. She didn’t let the fact that she is not a size 8 stop her. Confidence oozed out of her more than any other performer I had seen. I was in awe.

See a fabulous interview with her on 21st Century Burlesque here: which includes one of my favourite quotes of all time:

“Of course everyone has moments of self doubt and sadness. It is important to remember that we create our own reality – after soul searching I realized that I didn’t want my reality to be one of self hatred and I didn’t want that for any women anymore. Lets banish it! Forever!” Dirty Martini

So I decided to do that production course. I made up my first routine (which I look back on now with a slight cringe) ). I was asked if I wanted to sing a song, and finally after 20 years of dreaming about it, went out and got singing lessons. We learnt 4 group routines. We made our own costumes, including pasties,  shopped and came up with decorations for the club. It was honestly a LOT of work.

The very first show in Canberra was both a blessing and a curse as I knew no-one in the audience. However it was freeing. A chance to pop my Cherry if you will- and I knew if I stuffed up I wouldn’t have to see them again. But while I am sure I wasn’t that great- I LOVED it!  A few weeks later in Sydney was my chance to perform for my family and friends. My Mother and Father & Friends from as far back as High School. Still I was a bit shy about it all but adrenalin got me through. When a drunk guy who I did a chair dance to groped me I slapped the guys hands off me with my fans in time to the music and hid my warning words behind the fans. Then the moment just after the reveal of my Giant Cherry pasties (which I made to cover a bit more and you can see in the photo above when one literally popped off right in front of my PARENTS AND FRIENDS!!!  I am told I handled it like a pro, made a shocked type silly face and put it back again. It was a baptism by fire!

I was hooked and a few months later I was lucky to be asked to participate in a couple of new shows specifically for new performers. The Peel run by Lauren La Rouge and my teacher Holly J’aDoll, and A Velvet Garden run by Sheena Miss Demeanour and Blush School (where I was taking Burlesque Dance lessons with the talented Sheena).

I was inspired and encouraged by Sheena,  to create a routine for A Velvet Garden that was about me, but still entertaining. My ” Working for the Man” routine which is based on my real life career change (Environmental Manager in Hard hat and safety vest by day and Burlesque Performer in heels and Sequins by night!). This is still my and I think my fans favourite routine. It shows my Joy in doing what I now do.

The rest is history. There are many people who have helped, encouraged me on the way and took a chance to put me on stage but to list them all here would be to leave some out, as there is simply not enough room. I simply try all the time to give back their encouragement by helping them when I can and providing the same encouragement to the newer performers.

What have I learnt- well that deserves a post of it’s own.  In brief I have learnt not to say- I can’t- instead I say I will give it a go! The other is that confidence is a state of mind.

Be sure- there is a LOT more to come, a lot of things to work on and things I want to achieve. Don’t stop me now! 😉


See Dirty Martini at The Ruby Revue this Sunday the 14th August.

The next Peel is on the 31st August at Slide.